When I'm tempted to complain about life, I think of Jay Siltzer, his wife, Kelly, and theirson, Malachi.
Rarely has tragedy so harshly struck one family, ortaken so much away. My minor complaints with the daily grind, the bills, the aches and pains of aging, they embarrass me when I think of what Jay has endured.
A morning anchor and meteorologist at WLOS-New 13 since 1999,Siltzer, 48, was diagnosed with testicular cancer that year. After surgery and radiation, his prognosis looked good, but the cancer re-emerged, this time in his spine.
Again, he underwent surgery and radiation, as well as chemotherapy, this time with great results.Today, he remains cancer free.
In 2000, Jay married Kelly McKeown. a vibrant blonde. Nine years later,Kelly and Jay adopted Malachi from Ethiopia,a year after the boy's birth.
For a while, life was great. Sure, their lives were busy and overwhelming at times, as they adjusted to parenthood and a son who showed a penchant for hilarity and somewhat outrageous behavior "from the start," as Jay recalls. But life was sweet.
Then, the shadow of cancer again darkened their lives.In 2014, Kelly, just 45 years old,died from leukemia.
Cancer strikes again
Any sane person would have to believe this family had suffered too much.I know I did.
That's why I felt like I'd been gut-punched earlier this year when Jay told his Facebook friends that Malachi had been diagnosed with a brain tumor.It just seemed insensibly cruel, and I refused to believe cancer would touch another member of Jay's family.
But it did, and again it wasmerciless.
MalachiAshenafi Siltzer, 8, died Aug. 31 from complications of brain cancer.
It makes me search for a stronger word for "cruel." How much loss and heartache can one man bear?
But Siltzer, who lives in Hendersonville, actually lightened my darkthoughts about all this —my creeping doubt of God's fairness, to be blunt — when he graciously came by the office Friday afternoon for an interview.
"I’m still really not sure what I’m going through,” Siltzer said. “Ten months ago, Malachi was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, and it was clear that his life was going to be cut short. But even knowing that, I’m not sure there’s been a way to prepare.”
A devout Catholic who belongs to Immaculate ConceptionCatholic Church in Hendersonville, Siltzer credits his faith, and a tremendous outpouring of community support, with helping himget through the loss.
"My faith is what’s kept me functioning and as strong as I am. And Malachi’s faith was equally strong,” Siltzer said.
A kind man with a bit of a cornball sense of humor on air, Siltzer acknowledged one especially dark moment after Malachi's cancer recurred in June, defying treatments.
"I think it was the only time I vented to him, and I got angry," said Siltzer, 48. "I said, ‘Man, you had a crappy life in Ethiopia. You didn’t have food at the start. Your birth mother died. You’re adopted, you come to America, and your mom dies here. Now you're sick. How are you so happy?’”
“And he looked at me and he said, ‘Because I know God,’” Siltzer continued. “And I knew he was OK, and I needed to be OK, too. It was very powerful.”
Wow. I got chills down my spine when Siltzer related that story, and it happened again when I read it back.
I asked him if he has had his own moment of questioning why all this has happened, if he ever felt like God has forsaken him.
"The answer to, 'Why?'is, 'Whynot?'” Siltzer said. “So, I have not gone there, and I’m going to try not to, because I think that would be a dark place. There’s a purpose in this. It will reveal itself, and good will come from it. I have to trust that.”
That is faith, my friends. Powerful, strong, sustaining faith.
Siltzer considers the string of cancers afflicting his family as simply bad luck, not some sort ofmenacing specter.
“I’ve wondered about that, because what are the odds that I get testicular cancer, my wife gets leukemia, Malachi gets a brain cancer?" he said. "It’s bad luck. We were all three diagnosed, three separate residences, three separate times. There’s been no link.”
A truly funny boy
Siltzer also still finds joy in his memories of Malachi, a precociously funny kid who liked to get a good zinger in on his dad and had a knack for outrageously funny commentary. Jay and Malachi collected these anecdotes in a book, "The Book of Malachi," with the profits from sales going to help cancer patients.
Over the years, I've seen many of the stories on Jay's Facebook page, and they are genuinely funny. I can't tell you how many times I've read them to my wife or sons, with a, "Hey, listen to what Jay Siltzer's son said now."
Jay shared a couple of favorites when he came by.
"After Kelly died, I had to take Malachi to get a flu shot, and the physician assistant was this lovely blonde young woman, and Malachi said to her, “Are you married?’" Siltzer said. "She’s like, ‘No.’ He says, ‘My first mom died, my second mom died, and my dad’s looking for a new wife.”
“I said, ‘Dude, thanks for making me out to look like a serial killer.’”
Siltzer said the woman "gave him the fastest shot ever, and out the door we went. That was one time you didn’t have to wait for health care.”
Another time, Jay and Malachi were in church and the collection tray came around.
"And he has his money to put in it, and he’s like, ‘TEN DOLLARS!'" Siltzer recalled, showing how Malachi slammed the money down. "I said, 'Um, this is church. That’s between you and God. It’s not a casino.'”
Just a few weeks ago, before the cancer returned with a vengeance, Jay and Malachi had gone to TJ Maxx, stopping in the rest room to take care of business.
"We went in the bathroom, and there was some man in the stall, and there were these terrible sounds coming from the stall," Siltzer said. "I said, ‘Malachi, go about your business;wash your hands.’ And he did, and we were getting ready to go out and he said, ‘Have a good poop, sir!’
"And what do you say? I tell my child to be polite, and technically he is being polite," Siltzer continued. "I tell him to have good manners, and yet he could be polite and still be inappropriate at the same time. I could have died. I’m just so glad I never saw the man.”
Buoyed by community outpouring
A rising third-grader at Immaculata, Malachi wanted nothing more in life than to be a priest when he grew up.
"He was actually one of the most spiritual people that I’ve known, even though he was outrageous,” Siltzer said.
In kindergarten, Malachi wanted to dress up as a priest for Halloween. Jay nixed that idea.
"I had one unhappy astronaut on my hands," he said.
Since Malachi's passing, Siltzer also has been sustained by the community outpouring.
"I can't respond to all the cards, the calls, the posts,” Siltzer said. “I have just been humbled at every turn. I thought he was funny, but I see now how many other people did, too.”
Siltzer encourages folks to remember his son with laughter, and if they're inclined, a donation to a fund set up in Malachi's name at Immaculata School to benefit other students.
“I want Malachi to be remembered as someone who lived the faith and lived every day to the fullest,” Siltzer said. “Like I said after his mom died, ‘He would never have good food again.’ Now that Malachi has died, I may never had a good story again.”
Siltzer plans to stay in the area and with WLOS. The mountains are home now.
He's sad, but he is not broken.
“He was fun, and I’m so proud that I got to be his dad for seven and a half years,” Siltzer said. “I am blessed. It’s not about what we’re not having; it’s about what we had.”
This is the opinion of John Boyle. Contact him at 232-5847 or jboyle@citizen-times.com
Service for Malachi Siltzer
A memorial Mass will be held at 2 p.m. Tuesdayat Immaculate Conception Church with Father Martin Schratz officiating. A reception will follow in the school gymnasium. Committal will be private.In lieu of flowers, memorials should be made to Immaculata Catholic School, 208 Seventh Ave.W., Hendersonville , NC 28791.
